It must be because I know Ted Lasso is starting soon, or it could be because I couldn't help myself from getting involved in a discussion on the ‘wokeness’ of D&I policies this past week, but judgement has been on my mind a lot! So I wanted to break it down and really think about it, about how trying to stay out of judgement is what drives me and to consider whether it’s simply enough just to be ‘in the arena’.
More and more, I see the term ‘woke’ being used synonymously with Diversity and Inclusion ( D&I) or as an insult and I have to admit that it bothers me a little. It’s important to look at the evolution of the word, as like many things, words and their meaning can be fluid, and language does evolve. Research tells me that the origin of the word, appears to date back to the 1940s when Black Americans used it as a political term. It was used as a mantra to be alert to social and racial justice. More and more, it can be seen as a weapon on what I consider a non-binary topic. Just this week, we saw the Telegraph called out for quickly changing its headlines, originally calling Lego ‘woke’ for creating a new range of figures which include people with down syndrome and with missing limbs. Really, we don’t want to see toys that are representative of their owners? Is that really such a threat? Isn't that such good commercial sense?
The way I see it, the world is a complex place and there is no one way of looking at it. As the saying goes, there are three sides to every story, yours, mine and the truth. But that ability to take a step back and try and think like that, wasn’t always my guiding light.
My dad was a policeman, he was the most stubborn man I have ever known and he looked at the world in right and wrong terms. I guess that was, in part, because of this job and his need to stay within the rules but also I think because of his desire, to always be right. When my brother and I did his eulogy, I remember saying, my Dad was always right, even when he wasn’t. A lot of that rubbed off on us.
And then sometime in my early forties, I had a light shone on that right/wrong thinking and it was like an electric bolt. That realisation, that just about everything, is a social construct, and you can choose to see the world in less binary terms. You don’t always have to win the argument, Lisa!
Whilst D&I is the well know acronym for of this work, I actually have always favoured the Inclusion part of my work as its something that can benefit us all, irrespective of our view point. I read, this week, that some people hate being told to be inclusive, as it’s the equivalent of being told to breathe. This one really interests me. I actually think it can be really hard to, truly be inclusive, as we are all hardwired to judge. It takes practice and, perseverance not to! Who can honestly say that they stay out of judgement all the time? I know I don’t- but I always talk my way down when I am in judgement – I see evidence, asking myself, what is the truth about this situation.
So what are some of the things I do, to practice staying out of judgment.
Curiosity – I remind myself that I do not and will not ever have all the answers in this mighty universe, there is always an opportunity to learn something new – even if it is something you think you don’t agree with – jump in and ask questions.
Empathise– don’t shy away from the difficult conversations, I try to put myself in someone else’s shoes and imagine what it might feel like for them. Compassion goes a long way
Dialogue – I try and be upfront about the fact I have a different view that I want to share, but I try to do it from a perspective of adding to the dialogue, not to win the argument.
Practice – I am not always the best version of myself ( sometimes the redheaded stubbornness rears itself) so I consistently engage so that I can practice my neutrality. I try to show balance or an alternative view.
Gratitude – finally I try to be thankful for the dialogue or the learning. If I don’t agree with someone, I am always trying to see the strength or the benefits of what they have taught, even though we may not get along.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” ~Theodore Roosevelt~
Ted Roosevelt and ,more recently, Brene Brown talk about daring greatly. I am a huge believer that focusing on inclusion and diversity is a force for good and it doesn't mean that one of us is right and the other is wrong. It means we all have a freedom to express and as long as we temper it with respect and curiosity, the world can be a better place than it was yesterday.
I have lots more to discuss on this topic. So if you are struggling to get started in this arena, or feel like the path has become too treacherous, please get in touch today.
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