As the anniversary of my Dad passing away approaches, I always find myself sentimental and thinking about how much I miss him. It will be 6 years in a few weeks and the pain doesn’t go away.
The funniest thing is that my Dad was not much of a conversationalist, when I would phone the house, I would get a ‘hello, let me get your mum’. Not much more, it did get better when his grandsons appeared. A daily phonecall on the way home from school, would get him chatting, as he was always eager to hear what they had been up to at school. And the last conversation I had with him, was the afternoon before he died, 4.00pm on the 24th April 2017, I remember it like it was yesterday. He had been admitted to hospital and I had gone to visit him, but he was nagging me to leave, “Lisa, you better go and pick up those loons”. I promptly left and that was the last time I spoke to my Dad.
I am lucky, in one sense, there wasn’t anything else I needed to say to him. We knew how much we loved each other, he knew how great a Dad he was to me, what an awesome Granda to the boys and I knew how incredibly proud of me he was. No regrets. But it got me thinking about the idea of the last conversation. If you knew that you were having the last conversation, ever with someone, are there things you need to say.
Each conversation, of course, might look different, depending on the relationship or the context. But I would imagine that it would be a time to get all the things you may have chosen not to say. It may involve expressions of gratitude, apologies or forgiveness, it might involve declarations of love, or for some it may be sitting in silence and just being together.
As my Dad’s anthem would ring out for us. ‘regrets, I had a few, but then again too few to mention’. There might be a last conversation you are waiting to have with someone, and that doesn’t mean because of death. I am a firm believer that living without regrets is a healthier way of living and it comes down to these few things
Knowing myself - being clear on what are my values and priorities, the older I get, the more I realise that you have to live your best life, aligned to the things that matter to you most.
Being intentional – I am prone to the occasional red-headed impulsive over reaction, so when I make important decisions, I like to think about impact and outcomes. This is important so as not to regret what I have said or done. I don’t always get this one right!!
Learning – the more time I am on this planet, I realise what flawed beings we are, and how its amazing that we can wake up and try again tomorrow.
Don’t procrastinate – this is a tough one for me, as the counter to my impulsiveness is overthinking things. Once you have decided that something is important enough, do something about it.
Be grateful – every day I write in my journal and write something that I am thankful for, it can be the big things or the small things. Like seeing the daffodils starting to come through, to the love of my dear mama. It helps me to always move forward.
So if there is a conversation you are waiting to have, what’s holding you back?
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