Quite often when we think about grief, we automatically think of the death of someone that was close to us. My dad died 5 years ago and certainly that overwhelming feeling of loss hit me hard and I recognised the pain and process of grief. Its not something that leaves you, I can be fine for days and then I will hear a song on the radio and will find myself crying at the steering wheel. When he died, I was in the middle of one of the biggest projects of my career, leading a culture workstream for a major acquisition. My inside voice was telling me that being away from the job going to let people down. I took 2 weeks off work, not able to face the office, I only wanted to be near my family. When I came back to work, people got used to seeing me tear up at my desk, offer me a bug hug when I needed it. I was lucky, I felt seen by my line manager and got the care I needed to cope with the situation. I know that’s not the case for everyone. The thing is, there is no right or wrong way to do grief – its personal and for some, its everlasting.
The idea of ‘no right or wrong way to experience grief’ aligns to my view of inclusion – there is simply a truth for the person experiencing it. I was curious to explore what grief could mean to all people, because it is an emotion that surely is not confined to the loss of a human. In a world, where we are trying to be kinder, more curious and less judgmental, I want to explore the probability that grief has no boundaries.
According to Psychology Today, grief is “ the acute pain that accompanies loss”. Over the course of our lives, we can lose many things and I was thoughtful that all are valid and wondered whether the grief curve could apply to all types of loss. I started to think about times when I had lost something that was important to me and wondered how many more losses could impact people.
Loss of a significant person – the passing of a loved one.
Loss of hopes and dreams for the future – miscarriage, infertility,
End of a relationship or friendship
Loss of a job
Loss of health or body function
Loss of treasured items – through flooding, natural disasters, theft etc.
There are many more types of losses which can cause immeasurable pain to people, and managers, colleagues, friends can prepare themselves to be supportive during this period.
A colleague who has been going through infertility treatment may be grieving every time it isn’t successful and needs some extra time away.
Perhaps a family has lost their dearly beloved pet and don’t feel like putting their camera on, for fear of embarrassment of their puffy eyes.
Perhaps a friend has been made redundant and is struggling to let go of their connection to their role and colleagues – struggling to separate themselves from the job.
Organisations could think more compassionately about how they support their colleagues, when it comes to compassionate leave. Quite often policies are littered with traditional terms and constructs of relationships, when the current ‘family construct’ isn’t the same for everyone.
Perhaps an employee loses the person they loved most in the world, but because it didn’t meet the prescriptive list of who is deemed a ‘close relative’, they don’t meet the criteria. Who are organisations to determine who is ‘close’. Perhaps we can take a more human approach and trust that people know their own feelings of loss and when they need to take time out.
Over the course of the last year, I have seen some great ideas around supporting grief. I attended a wonderful session that was hosted by Fiona Mackinnon at Moment Company. It was a beautiful session showcasing wonderful humans who had been propelled into action by their grief. I came across the concept of grief cafes from Analise Rodgers-Callan | LinkedIn. Bringing people together from your network, giving them space to share their thoughts and feelings and holding them up when they need some extra support. There are great resources through Mind: Overview | LinkedIn.
Not every loss may require compassionate leave, but it does require compassion.
Where does support for grief appear in your inclusion strategy? Do you need to help to tackle it? Get in touch today.
"May the sun bring you energy every day, bringing light into the darkness of your soul. May the moon softly restore you by light bathing you in the glow of restful sleep and peaceful dreams. May the rain wash away your worries and cleanse the hurt that sits in your heart. May the breeze blow new strength into your being, and may you believe in the courage of yourself. May you walk gently through the world, keeping your loved one with you always, knowing that you are never parted in the beating of your heart."
Apache grief blessing,
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